The Importance of Motivation: Fourth in a Series

From the Inside-Out

I’ve written about this before on this blog, but it may well be worth repeating. For anyone who is seeking to learn more about their attractions to the same gender, or if they are having questions about their gender identity, the key factor for benefiting from any kind of counseling is their own motivation. If you go to counseling to appease someone else – a parent or guardian or someone else you look up to, or if you go because you want to be “normal,” or to find some kind of trick that will instantly make these feelings or desires or questions go away – you will likely not find counseling helpful.

Every reputable individual offering counseling – whether they are a professional counselor or spiritual leader – will know and understand this. It is a basic truth which applies to all kinds of therapy for all kinds of reasons – if an individual does not want to be there, counseling is not likely to succeed. We cannot force someone into making decisions about their spirituality or sexuality or gender, nor should we attempt to. A good counselor will ask someone about their motivations or reasons for coming to them and start there.

So what are some examples of good motivations? Curiosity – honestly wanting to learn more about yourself, what you’re experiencing, and how that relates to your faith. Or, perhaps if you already have a good understanding of your faith, wanting to learn about how to navigate life with these desires and feelings in a way that is consistent with your beliefs. Seeking contentment, peace, understanding, practical help for building good relationships with others – these are all excellent motivations.

From the Outside-In

Years ago I wrote to a network ministry organization about what outreach to young people who were struggling with same-gender attractions could look like. I suggested that counseling for parents who come with concerns about their children be mandatory, and optional for the youth. The reason was due to the primary importance of one’s own internal motivation in benefitting from any kind of counseling. It is far too common for parents to want to try to do something to get their child through or past this experience before their child really has a grasp of what it is they are experiencing. And parents will need support over the long haul in learning how to wrestle with their own temptations to control others, over their own fears and grief, and in coming to a place where they can love their child right where they are, instead of always pushing them to be someone they want them to be.

We cannot force someone to want to seek to reconcile their faith and their attractions or view of gender. Although God can give us the will to want to do so…we read about this in Ezekiel chapter 36, verses 25-27:

“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your uncleanness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My ordinances and do them.”

It has always blown me away that the Lord will stoop so low as to move us to love Him and to follow Him. But He will do even this, and we can pray for ourselves and for those around us to be so moved by Him. Recently, I read an article by Francis Chan about his concern for his high school friend who did not know the Lord. Every time his friend would come to mind, Francis would pray for him.

Apart from God’s working, our begging someone to see the beauty of Christ is as pointless as begging a blind man to enjoy the beauty of a sunset. Do we direct our begging, first and foremost, to God?

Jesus tells us the parable about a persistent widow to remind us that we “ought always to pray and not lose heart” (Luke 18:1). There is tremendous power in perseverant prayer. God is not like us; he is not bothered by his children asking for the same thing over and over. He is pleased by the faith demonstrated when we pray and pray for someone to be saved.

When I love particular people deeply, it’s natural to persistently pray for them. I think it would actually require more effort to refrain from praying for them. My best friend in college decided that he didn’t want to follow Jesus. It broke my heart. Ken and I went our separate ways, and our lives went in opposite directions. I never stopped praying for him though — I couldn’t. Whenever Ken’s name would pop into my mind, prayer was my natural reflex.*

God can and does pull people to Him who are in the midst of living in same-gendered relationships in all kinds of circumstances…

A self-identified gay activist in a random conversation at a coffee shop.

A tenured Professor of English with a specialization in queer theory at Syracuse Univ., researching for her book critiquing the Religious Right who was invited to dinner at a pastor’s home.

A woman in a lesbian relationship while watching TV on her sofa at home.

A woman who identified as a lesbian playing softball on a church team.**

I know of examples of people whose lives were falling apart, caught up in alcohol or drug abuse or heartbroken after their same-gendered relationships had broken up – and of people whose lives seemed to have all come together in the gay relationship of their dreams, yet who felt empty inside. It doesn’t matter what your life is like…it’s possible for God to reach in and move you to leave everything behind as a result of the love of Christ.

We can walk alongside another person as they learn and make decisions about their own lives. We can be encouraging, supportive and loving, but we cannot make those decisions for them. External factors can impact our internal motivation – having someone willing to listen and be there with you in friendship and love can mean a great deal. Let us learn to reflexively pray and ask God to move our own hearts and the hearts of those around us toward Him.

 

* https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/no-soul-is-too-far-gone

** Respectively:

David Bennett: https://www.eternitynews.com.au/good-news/a-gay-rights-activist-leaves-his-old-life-behind/

Rosaria Butterfield: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KbOAXxz77w

Jackie Hill Perry: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=ZLAe_JBvVwg

Christine Sneeringer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPmeR28UfWY

 

Being Responsible with Statistics & Numbers…Third in a Series

In harkening back to Stan Lee’s quote, when we use our voice in the culture at large, it is important to recognize that we have a responsibility to use it well. With a feature film there is the potential for a huge audience, and tacking on a statistic like this,* which turns out to be an estimated number with an unsubstantiated insinuation that people are being held against their will in some way – that strikes me as being irresponsible.

The truth is that accurate statistics surrounding people who experience same-gender attractions or gender identity dysphoria are difficult to obtain.** In gathering data, we don’t have a uniform definition of homosexuality, nor do we have a reliable method of gathering this information – here are a few of the commonly known reasons why:

One of the major reasons for the difference in statistical findings regarding homosexuality and bisexuality has to do with the nature of the research questions…

Most of the studies listed below rely on self-report data, which poses challenges to researchers inquiring into sensitive subject matter.

More importantly, the studies tend to pose two sets of questions. One set examines self-report data of same-sex sexual experiences and attractions while the other set examines self-report data of personal identification as homosexual or bisexual. Fewer research subjects identify as homosexual or bisexual than report having had sexual experiences or attraction to a person of the same sex…

…since many individuals may fail to report outside the heterosexual norm or define their sexuality in their own unique terms, it is difficult to fully grasp the size of the LGBT population.

The type of survey being used and the type of setting a subject is in while being surveyed may also affect the answer that the subject gives.**

 

What are we measuring?

There are three components, if you will, of sexual orientation: identity, attraction, and behavior. As noted above, when we are trying to find out these numbers in a population, we need to consider what we are looking for – not everyone who has a same-gender sexual encounter, or even several encounters, considers themself to be gay or lesbian. On the other hand, if you’ve only experienced attractions to the same gender, but never identified yourself as a homosexual, or acted on those attractions, does that mean you’re not gay? If so, then can we consider sexual orientation a state of being / personhood, or is it instead something that one does or claims to be? Are we looking at a person’s behavior, attraction, and identity over the course of their lifetime, or only in their recent history?

Along with the variety of factors to consider, a person’s identity, attractions and behavior are difficult to measure. Studies typically rely on what an individual reports about themselves, with no way to verify the accuracy of what the person states.

Does this mean that we are without a clue as to how many people are considered homosexual or lesbian? No, but we need to keep in mind that our best estimates are just that – estimates.

What’s in a Name?

So as we are left without accurate knowledge of the size of the lesbian or gay population as a whole, we are also limited in knowing how many people might have sought change or resolution of their sexuality or gender in congruence with their faith.

The question of what constitutes change in one’s orientation is not well defined: Is it the complete absence of same-gender attractions, identity, and behavior, or some combination of the lessening of any of those three things? Or, is it the capacity to sustain a satisfactory heterosexual relationship with or without continued same gender attractions? Or is it the ability to find contentment in being single with or without these continued desires?

There is a question as to what terminology we may be looking for. While it is common for someone to identify themselves as gay or lesbian, there is no consistent term or label to use in a survey format to identify someone who has experienced a change in their sexual orientation. I’ve heard of the terms “ex-gay” or “post-gay” or “changed,” but these are not ubiquitous. Further complicating matters, in the last few years there has been a growing movement of individuals calling themselves “gay Christians” – which they use to identify themselves as followers of Jesus who experience same-gender attractions but choose to live celibate lives in accordance with their faith. This trend is rejected outright by many who do not wish to add a descriptive term to their identity as Christians.

There is not an adequate descriptive term that summarizes the variety of experiences that people who call themselves gay or lesbian have (each person’s identity, behavior and attractions differ) and this is all the more true for those who are turning away from their same-gender attractions as some kind of definitive state of being…who do not wish to identify themselves by their experiences.

It is hard to measure what is not defined.

Hidden Figures

Due to the continued social stigma surrounding sexuality and gender identity, which has grown more complicated in my lifetime, people who have experienced a resolution of their faith and their sexuality or gender are not usually open about it. The tendency is to blend into the heterosexual majority and never mention their past again – and this is especially true for those who are married.

Churches seldom, if ever, call for people who have had this background to step forward to share about this part of their lives. There are no parades for us, nor class reunions. And the representation of any characters in TV shows or films is practically non-existent.

Yet we are here, quietly living our lives – teaching music, serving in the military, working in health care, or as engineers, spinning tunes as the DJ at a wedding, or crunching numbers for manufacturing companies behind a desk. We are serving in hospice care or in community counseling services after a disaster strikes; looking after children as nannies or raising children in our own homes.*** Our lives are rather normal – we move forward each day without role models, we are not waiting for anyone to validate what we are experiencing or weave us into the latest cinematic blockbuster.

Always guessing…

People in the psychological, sociological, and health care fields do the best they can with the best estimates that they can find. Comparing the best studies we have, we estimate that somewhere between 2% and 5% of the population identifies as lesbian or gay. We don’t know how many people there are who have sought to leave homosexuality behind, either with counseling or without. We have some studies that have found people who have sought change at some point in their sexual orientation and who now identify as lesbian or gay, and there are some studies being done on the fluidity of sexual orientation throughout one’s lifetime, but we have no idea how many people have chosen to not act on their same-gender attractions in an effort to live in accordance to their spiritual beliefs.

Without an idea of the number of people who make up this population, we are left without the ability to know what percentage of that population is significant in any study that would be conducted about us.

For example – if there are 100,000 people who have left homosexuality behind in the US in their pursuit of a deeper relationship with Christ, and a study is conducted with 10 people within that population, the results are not as meaningful as they would be compared to a study done with 400 people. But as noted above, the number of people who make up this population is not known in the first place – we are scattered across the country, many are reluctant to be known, and there is not a rallying point in sight.

With or without solid data, there is no excuse for using numbers in a misleading statement.* It is better to be honest about what we do not know than to be irresponsible and make things up.

 

* Referring to the quote at the end of the trailer for the film, Boy, Erased, as seen on the movie’s website – please see prior post for more details.

** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_sexual_orientation

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_demographics_of_the_United_States

*** These are all descriptions of people whom I know who have left homosexuality behind in their lives.

 

 

 

About That Statistic…Second in a Series

“77,000 people are currently being held in conversion therapy nationwide”

What are they talking about? That was my question when I saw this slowly revealed across my computer screen…what in the world are they referring to, and where did they get this number?

For the sake of those who are unfamiliar with it, “conversion therapy” is the term often used to describe any effort to help those who have unwanted attractions to the same gender or who are questioning their gender identity to find assistance seeking a either a change in their attractions or contentment with not acting on those attractions, or resolution of their gender identity with their biological one. I will come back to this term, and the variety of meanings attached to it, in a later post.

I am interested in this subject because I have experienced same-gender attractions since childhood, and found counseling in a variety of settings along the way to be very helpful. I would like others to be able to receive the same kind of help if they would like it, and I try to communicate with others about what I’ve learned – both what was helpful and what was not – whenever I have the opportunity.

In this blog I’ve written a good deal about my experiences, and if you are new here, I’d like to recommend that you read through these posts in chronological order to find more background on this part of my life.

If you’re not new here, then you most likely already know that I’m fairly familiar with organizations offering counseling in this area across the country, as well as in several places around the world. And that is a great part of the reason why I was so alarmed in reading this particular statistic: “77,000 people are being held in conversion therapy nationwide.”

“77,000 people” – where is this number coming from?

“…being held in…” – what does this mean – are people being retained in some way?

I am not familiar with any such number of people being held anywhere in regards to seeking help with their sexuality or gender identity. So, soon after reading this, I started digging to learn more. The film’s website had no reference for this statistic or quote. I clicked on the link they provided to find out more information, and could not find a reference there, either. After a Google search, I finally came across a reference through a review of the film in Slate Magazine:

“It can feel like a straight filmmaker and his mostly straight leads parachuted in to decree this issue important, while they also collect a few golden statues along the way. This, too, may not really matter if Boy Erased reaches the right audience, but with its distributor declaring, not quite correctly, that ‘77,000 people are currently being held in conversion therapy across America’ in the film’s trailers, the commodified activism here can make you a little queasy.”[1]

In clicking through to the link provided in the text, I found myself on the page of The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law, where an article from Teen Vogue Magazine from earlier this was featured. In part it read:

“According to a new report from the Williams Institute, about 698,000 LGBTQ adults in the United States have received conversion therapy…An estimated 20,000 LGBTQ young people in states that don’t ban it will undergo conversion therapy from a licensed health care professional before they turn 18, and about 57,000 young people across all states will be subjected to conversion therapy from religious or spiritual advisers before age 18.”[2]

Apparently the “77,000” figure comes from the estimation that 20,000 young people will receive some kind of counseling from a licensed health care professional and 57,000 will receive some kind of counseling from a religious or spiritual advisor before they turn 18.

These numbers are estimations, not known figures and the implication that they are “being held” or retained or restrained is also unfounded in the report. The wording chosen is “subjected to” which implies that anyone under the age of 18 is being put through counseling without their consent. (I did read the report, and found numbers there were based on several other internal “unpublished reports” which used unknown methods to make these estimations, which I found frustrating to say the least.[3])

This leads me to a few areas of concern which I will expand upon in the next few posts:

1. Being responsible with statistics & numbers
2. The importance of motivation
3. Recognizing autonomy

[1] https://slate.com/culture/2018/11/boy-erased-review-movie-adaptation-gay-conversion-therapy.html

[2] https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/williams-in-the-news/new-report-shows-77000-young-lgbtq-people-will-subjected-conversion-therapy/

[3] https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Conversion-Therapy-LGBT-Youth-Jan-2018.pdf

 

“With great power comes great responsibility.” ~ Stan Lee

Some time last year, or maybe longer, I remember reading about a film that was being made. It was to have a stellar cast – Nicole Kidman and Russell Crowe – and was being put together with the kind of professional production one would expect to come alongside such talent. I first heard about it through someone I’m connected to here on Facebook who was going to be portrayed in the movie. He was excited, of course, but also wondered about how he might be characterized. I remember adding my two cents – that often the story is turned to serve the arc of the film, and people and events can be misconstrued in order to create drama or humor or whatever is needed to make the scenes flow together well.

Fast forward to last week. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and this particular film came up. It was the note of concern in my friend’s voice that caused me to look into it further, and I was startled by what I learned…no wonder she was apprehensive.

“77,000 people are currently being held in conversion therapy nationwide”

This is featured at the end of the trailer for the movie “Boy Erased” on the film’s web site.

This statistic is not true.

Unfortunately, I found a number of other things that were not truthful in connection to this movie, which is based on a memoir written by Gerrard Conley with the same title. To be clear, I understand the common practice of taking license with a person’s story in this genre – changing the actual truth to portray an emotion needed to enhance the storyline within a two-hour window happens all the time. This is not the fault of the actors, nor Mr. Conley who wrote his original story, nor the real people portrayed in it – but a film, especially one such as this, leaves an impression, and can leave the wrong impression with a large number of people. With great power comes great responsibility.

This is the first of a series of posts on this film in which I will share what I’ve learned that concerned me, and I hope this will prove to be helpful for anyone who has an interest in learning more.

Keeping Sin in Perspective

This post by Matt Moore was timely in the wake of Kim Burrell’s statements earlier this week. Matt shares his thoughts on feeling that homosexuality was somehow different than any other sin, and how that mindset can undermine the potential for growth in one’s relationship to Jesus:

http://www.moorematt.org/not-an-anomaly/

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

The title of this post is a bit misleading – it actually should read more along the lines of “This is why we cannot have meaningful relationships and conversations.”

Earlier this week, singer Kim Burrell in a video, predicted that homosexuality and those “who play with it in God’s house will die in 2017.” She also spoke about “the perverted homosexual spirit” in her sermon. (She has since stated that her comments were taken out of the context of her message, and that she holds no hatred for gays or lesbians.) The comments made in her original video came to the attention of Ellen DeGeneres, who cancelled Kim Burrell’s upcoming scheduled appearance on her show.

And I don’t blame her (DeGeneres) for taking that step.

Once again, someone who is a follower of Christ was found to take homosexuality out of the greater context of Scripture and twist it into a something unrecognizable. Predicting the death of anyone in this or any other year is beyond the pay grade of any disciple of Jesus.

I believe that there are several reasons behind this type of thinking:

1. Bad teaching.
2. Resentment
3. A Lack of Discussion Regarding Sexuality in the Church

Let’s take a closer look at these…

1. Bad Teaching

At this point in the history of the church, there really is no excuse for this. There are more resources available than there have ever been. (You can find a list of some of them under the “Resources” tab of this blog.) For Kim Burrell to have said these things, it seems that she has spent little time in understanding how homosexuality is addressed in Scripture, and how God works in the lives of those who have experienced same-sex attractions, or any other sin for that matter.

Singer and songwriter Keith Green once said, “This generation of Christians is responsible for this generation of souls on the earth!” We have a responsibility to learn about the issues our culture is concerned with today in order to reach the souls of those around us with the Gospel.

2. Resentment

Sometimes it seems as though Christians speak out recklessly in regards to homosexuality in particular because of a resentment of the wider cultural acceptance of those who identify as gay or lesbian. It is as if lashing out with words you would never hear applied to any other sin is done in a terribly misguided effort to take back ground in some way.

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere on this blog, I’m thankful that people are able to be more open about their same-sex attractions in our culture – I don’t want to go back to where we were. It is good for people to be able to walk down the street without being afraid of getting beat up. It’s good for people to be able to go about their days at work or running errands on eating meals with friends without harassment. It was not a good thing to treat homosexuality as a cultural taboo.

Christians always walk in two worlds – we live here on earth as citizens of another Kingdom. It makes no sense to waste time railing against our status as expatriates. This world is not our home, and we have the privilege of showing those around us what it is like to live a life of freedom and love in Christ. When others see His love in us, they will want to join in the call to know and glorify God.

3. A Lack of Discussion Regarding Sexuality in the Church

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:5-6

Kim Burrell lost her opportunity to meet Ellen DeGeneres, to appear on her show, and to have any kind of conversation or build any kind of relationship with her because she chose to pick out homosexuality as a sin deserving some kind of special punishment from God. Her theology was wrong, and it will take some time and effort to ever have that kind of opportunity come her way again (if ever.)

Without discussions about sexuality – whether about homosexuality or heterosexuality – within the church, room is created for bad teaching and resentment to build, instead of wisdom and contentment in Christ. Too often people are afraid to bring up the subject in a Sunday School class or Bible study, and their conversations end up being seasoned with flamethrowers instead of salt.

Salt is known to be one of the basic human tastes. (The others are sweet, bitter, sour and savory.) According to Wikipedia:

“As taste senses both harmful and beneficial things, all basic tastes are classified as either aversive or appetitive, depending upon the effect the things they sense have on our bodies. Sweetness helps to identify energy-rich foods, while bitterness serves as a warning sign of poisons.

According to Lindemann, both salt and sour taste mechanisms detect, in different ways, the presence of sodium chloride (salt) in the mouth, however, acids are also detected and perceived as sour.

The detection of salt is important to many organisms, but specifically mammals, as it serves a critical role in ion and water homeostasis in the body. Because of this, salt elicits a pleasant taste in most humans.

Sour and salt tastes can be pleasant in small quantities, but in larger quantities become more and more unpleasant to taste.”*

I’ve made the mistake of adding too much salt in recipes, and the results were inedible. When we fail to use wisdom and discernment in our conversations, we make relationships with people who don’t know Jesus unpalatable. (Now, of course, we know that some people may find the message of the Gospel hard to digest – but that is not what is happening in this example with Kim Burrell.) We need to spend time learning within our fellowship groups how to address questions surrounding sexuality in a Biblically sound and compassionate way. I believe that Kim’s words would have been different if she had spoken to other mature Christians first.

Here are some suggestions:

Invest some time in learning more about what the Lord has to say about our sexuality in general, as well as about homosexuality. (Again some excellent resources are listed on the Resources tab of this blog.)

Spend some time listening to those who have experienced same-sex attractions. Ask questions just to gain insight into the perspective of other people.

Find other Christians who are interested in learning more about how to reach out to people around them who are involved in the LGBT community, and talk about your concerns and questions. Invite someone to come speak to your small group on the topic, and ask your church staff for more teaching to be made available so you can ask your questions within the Body of Christ.

There are ways to speak about sexuality without alienating people – and those conversations are best when they are earned. We need to be involved in serving everyone around us, and being ready to give thoughtful (not bland), graceful answers when opportunities do arise. Here is one example that I thought was very good – you may recall that there was an article raising a controversy about Chip and Joanna Gaines late last year, where it was noted that they attend a church in which the pastor has addressed homosexuality as a sin. Just this week, Chip has posted the following response on his blog…it is well worth taking your time to read:

https://magnoliamarket.com/chips-new-years-revelation/

Instead of decrying the state of being attacked and misunderstood, Chip Gaines has asked us all to raise the level of the conversation. He asks us to be considerate of one another and give one another breathing room. It is possible to lovingly disagree and work alongside each other in a community. Let us look for opportunities to do that in this new year.

 

 

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste#Basic_tastes

Prepare to be Misunderstood…Again

It’s still difficult for me to grasp – Donald Trump is going to be our next President.  Of the United States.  Of the choices running for office, I favored Bernie Sanders.  I was going to vote for him in protest against the way that the two-party system has failed to represent the middle class, forming an oligarchy rather than a democracy…until Donald Trump actually won the Republican nomination.  Then I was one of the apparently few Christians who voted for Hillary Clinton on Nov. 8th.  In vain, as I live in a state that Trump dominated during the election, but at least I can sleep a little better knowing that I personally did not contribute to this vile man gaining power.

So here we are…and I’m sad and quite concerned about a number of things with Trump coming into office.  First is his willful denial of the existence and impact of climate change on our planet.  Our nation is already moving so slowly in response to this threat, and we are running out of time to make the changes that are needed to provide a sustainable place for all of us to live.  [For more information on things you can do to help, I recommend the following:  350.org, CCL, Katharine Hayhoe.]

Second, I’m concerned about how the church will respond.  Putting false hope in the office of the President, and on national laws / political platforms rather than our calling to personal holiness can have a corrosive effect on our faith.  I’m afraid that is, at least in part, what has led so many believers to vote for Trump in the first place.  We are warned many times in Scripture not to look for power outside of the Almighty, but time and again we fall for the same thing.

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”
Psalm 20:7

I’m not saying that we should not look for Godly men or women to serve in our government – by all means we should!  But Trump has made it clear that he is not a Godly man, and that he is not out to serve anyone but himself.  Narcissists in power do not make good leaders.

Third, and more in tune with the overall topic of this blog, I’m concerned about being misunderstood – actually – continuing to be misunderstood*.  In truth, people like myself who have spent years wrestling with our faith and out sexuality, and who have chosen to follow the Lord in setting aside our same-sex desires for His sake – we’ve never really been understood by the culture at large, nor truly integrated into the church in a healthy way.

This morning a headline caught my eye:  “Rachel Maddow chokes up describing Mike Pence’s anti-LGBT policies.”  I’ve never watched Rachel Maddow’s show, principally due to not having a cable subscription.  Whenever I have seen clips of her speaking, however, she has come across to me as someone who is fair minded.  So I wanted to learn more about her concerns regarding our Vice-President elect.

Maddow went on to describe some of the anti-LGBTQ policies Pence has promoted.

“Mike Pence said you should not only take away money from HIV and AIDS programs, he said AIDS funding should be taken away from serving people with HIV and AIDS,” she said, “because instead it should be diverted into government-funded programs designed to cure people from being gay, to try to fix gay people.”

On Pence’s 2000 campaign website, he advocated for spending public funds promoting the broadly debunked practice of attempting to change a person’s sexually orientation from gay or bisexual to straight.

“Resources should be directed toward those institutions which provide assistance to those seeking to change their sexual behavior,” he wrote at the time.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2016/11/watch-rachel-maddow-chokes-describing-mike-pences-anti-lgbt-policies/

Well, great – that makes a lot of sense.  (For me to be fair, I’ve not fact-checked this.  It is possible that Pence is being misunderstood, but Maddow isn’t the kind of person to promote hype, so I’m going to suspect it’s true.)  Yet, the fact that some people who have sought change in their orientation who are also HIV+ seems to have slipped through the minds of both Maddow and Pence.  I’m sure people who are HIV+ would like to remain alive, regardless of their sexual orientation, and I’ve never seen anyone involved in any type of Christian outreach to the LGBT population propose that any government funds be directed their way.  Let me repeat that last part – I have never seen anyone in Christian outreach to the LGBT population ask for government resources, including funds, to support their efforts.  The separation of church and state, in this sense, is a good thing.

And here is where the concern with Pence lies – I don’t want to be lumped in with him and those who don’t quite seem to understand the good experience I and others have had in seeking to submit our sexuality to the Lordship of Christ.  It’s not a good idea to divert funds away from HIV & AIDS programs, and it’s not a good idea to have the government fund the type of counseling I received.  It would be nice to see that counseling for those who want to explore the potential for fluidity in their sexual orientation not be outlawed, as it preserves the right of self-determination.  But preserving and protecting this right and supplying funding are two different things.

Sigh…

The good news is that there continue to be more and more articulate individuals coming forward who are being heard who can help to foster better understanding of the complicated issues surrounding homosexuality.  And that is how I see myself, and my experience – I hope and pray that the story of my experiences will help to understand a bit more of the mystery of human sexuality.  I hope it will spur on better questions and cause people to think and look more deeply into their own lives.  I hope that by speaking out eventually well-meaning people like Pence won’t make such terrible suggestions, and fair-minded people like Maddow won’t be so upset.

So we’ll press on, continuing to share what we’ve learned, in the hopes that eventually, we won’t be quite so misunderstood.  May we listen well, serve much, and earn the opportunity to be heard in the days to come.

 

 

*These are most certainly not my only concerns about the upcoming Trump presidency – his narcissistic character, poor choice of advisors, appeals to the base racist elements running through our country, etc. are all terrible.  There are too many concerns to cover in a blog post, actually.

 

For Parents

What do you say when one of your kids “comes out” to you as gay or lesbian?

Here are some thoughtful things to consider:

12 Vital Things for Parents to Say to Their Gay Child

Trusting Love

Here is yet another great post by Jean C. Lloyd, PhD shared on Public Discourse.

My Same-Sex Attraction and My Brother’s Disease: On Suffering and Serenity

10 Truths

Matt Moore writes an encouraging post on his blog, sharing 10 truths that those struggling with same-sex attraction would do well to keep in mind:

http://www.moorematt.org/10-empowering-truths-for-the-same-sex-attracted-christian/

These truths actually apply to anyone struggling with chronic temptations, so feel free to pass his post along!